To the ones that aren’t here with us

Last Sunday was Mother’s Day in the UK. It’s been a little over 5 years since my mom passed and holidays are never easy. I wanted to write a short dedication to my loved one and also touch on an often overlooked side of grief. I’m not going to dive into all the stages of grief, or how it manifests itself in your life. I think there are enough books and articles that are available. I wanna speak about the sweet way joy shows up in grief.

I was on the phone with my best friend the other day as she looked at photos from childhood. We laughed at the ways we have changed, the insane outfits, and reflected on how far we’ve come. It reminded me how much I enjoy seeing photos of my mother. From the snapshots we took at Christmas, car rides, the pregame before someone’s event (because you know African moms are going to stunt), and the off guards caught as we lived life. Initially, it’s really hard to see the photos of the one we’ve loved and lost. However, as time goes by and the grief cements, those photos and videos give my brain some reprieve from constantly trying to recreate the memories had. The photos, videos, and sharing of stories become physical manifestations of my daydreams. Love cloaks history and surfaces the joy of it all. I couldn't help but notice that in the five years my mom has been gone, the images of my family and friends haven't monopolized my surroundings. With the help of our cell phones and socials, I see so many people living their lives. It's incredible that we're able to keep up with each other in that way, but it's short-lived. After I got off the phone with my friend, I realized that I want and need to print out photos of my family and friends. I need to surround myself with reminders of who I am, where I'm from, and the people I love. The images drum up more than fond memories, they remind me in my low moments that I am loved and belong to a community.

I lowkey want to rant about isolation now, and how our society promotes it because we are digitally hyper-connected, but I'm going to leave that for another day lol. For now, I want to give a toast to my mamma. Thank you for your love, I walk with it every minute of every day. I have a few photos of you hanging up now. I also have photos of the family and my friends, because at this hour you've reminded me to surround myself with the moments I've smiled. To you reading this if you've ever experienced loss - cheers to your loved one. If possible find something physical that reminds you of them and the times you had.

Finally, cheers to brighter days

xoxo

Joanie